5 Signs You're a People-Pleasing Leader

Being a people pleaser can have both positive and negative implications. In this article, I share the signs and behaviours that define people pleasers, why? Well, understanding these characteristics is the first step in re-balancing the scale between caring for others, offering genuine support and prioritising your own needs. Essentially recognising the patterns is essential for change. So, let's dive into the subtle art of decoding people-pleasers.

5 Clear Indicators You're a People-Pleasing Leader

Below are 5 signs you could be a people-pleasing leader:

1.Being overworked: Often, individuals who seek to please others find themselves in a challenging juggling act, multitasking not only their responsibilities but those of others as well. Inadvertently, people start to call on your services more paving the way for feelings of inundation and potentially resulting in elevated stress levels. Therefore, it's vital to take a moment and really scrutinise your to-do list. Look closely and evaluate whether the tasks you are juggling align with your current priorities or whether they are mostly to fulfil others' needs. 

Remember part of leadership is to delegate, embrace this reality, and make sure you're not the only one shouldering all the work. I’ve heard from my clients they sometimes try to lighten the load of others, but when it is at the cost of stretching you beyond your limits it isn’t an appropriate strategy. So, keep those balls in the air but make sure they’re yours to juggle!

2.Are You A Fixer: Whether it's a personal issue or work-related, do you attempt to solve other people's problems rather than focusing on their own? Put another way do you freely give your time, energy, ideas and emotions to others, without saving some inner resources for yourself? 

I recently stumbled upon an interesting idea about offering help - it kind of boils down to an imbalance in your relationships. Now, hear me out on this one. When you swoop in, you're committing your personal resources – your energy, time, emotional fortitude, and even strength – without necessarily getting an equal exchange in return. Review the past week at work, and weigh those instances when you rolled up your sleeves to lend a hand. How much of 'you' did you put into those moments? And, more importantly, was it a worthwhile investment?

Remember, overcommitment can leave you depleted, and, ironically, it doesn't always do any favours for the recipients of your help, as help can reduce someone's ability to develop and grow (not always, but in many cases, it can reduce their ability to be resourceful)? Just something to mull over next time you find yourself jumping in!



3.Not Knowing You: When we find ourselves feeling uncertain about our own values, beliefs, and preferences, it often feels tempting to yield to those around us who seem more confident. There's an innate human tendency to want to make others happy, to keep the peace. And it's incredibly easy to slide our own values and desires under the rug when faced with strong personalities. 

However, continually putting our personal values aside and downplaying what we truly believe in to please others, not only diminishes our self-esteem but also questions our self-worth. And honestly, is that really the best path to genuine happiness and fulfilment?

4.Sensitive to Criticism: Ever found yourself drowning in feelings of inadequacy or besieged when someone gives you some constructive criticism? It’s not just you! Responding emotionally to feedback, despite the best of intentions behind it, is only human. Yet, for the people pleasers amongst us, this can sting a little extra.



But wait! By tuning in to our reactions, dissecting the self-talk that follows, and adjusting our perspective, we can transform this experience. We can look through a fresh lens: it's feedback, an opinion, it does not define who we are, you may need to take a breath or two to make it more palatable.

5.Downplaying Your Success: People who often feel the need to please others typically undermine their own accomplishments, using phrases like; “Oh, it's nothing,” or “It was a team effort.”

However, is it wrong to acknowledge and take pride in your achievements, or to have efforts valued? As a people-pleaser concern lies in how others may perceive your success and worse maybe they will disapprove or criticise. I encourage you to give yourself permission to have your hard work and success celebrated. I appreciate this idea presents a challenging paradox.



The Price of Being a People Pleaser

While there's nothing wrong with offering help, support or compassion, research suggests people who give are more likely to be happier and more satisfied in life. But it’s vital not to let it get to the point where your own mental and physical health pays the price and that is the crux of it. Your energy is finite, research suggests women especially experience more burn-out from their desire and cultural pressure to be helpful, I listened to a recent podcast with Professor Adam Grant who talked about this particular bias in leadership and how self-neglect leads to emotional exhaustion, frustration, overwhelm resulting in a diminished sense of self.



Recently a client who served on a Cabin Crew wisely said, “I really need to listen to my own advice and need to put my mask on first.” The sentiment perfectly captures the truth that to truly extend genuine support to others, you first have to be in a good place yourself.



People pleasing may feel like a hard-to-break habit, but remember, it's a pattern of thought and behaviour that can be shifted. Looking for guidance on breaking free? In a recent article I shared in Brainz Magazine, I dive into seven practical steps for loosening the chains of chronic people-pleasing. These simple, yet effective strategies may just help you hit the brakes on the people-pleasing cycle. Let me know how you get on.