5 Steps To Increase Leadership Emotional Intelligence

We are complicated creatures when it comes to emotions. Comprehending the depths of our own emotions can be challenging, not to mention decoding them in others. The good news is we can develop the skills to read these emotional signals and learn how to lead with Emotional Intelligence (EI).  In this blog post I share 5 steps to help leaders that I have successfully used with my own coaching clients.

What has self-awareness got to do with anything?

Recently two of my coaching clients received feedback encouraging them to develop greater self-awareness. Both coaching clients arrived rather challenged by the feedback, whilst also with the same question; what does that actually mean? 

In evaluating the feedback we uncovered, despite being skilful operational directors who could read a room and were emotionally in tune with themselves, feedback was indicating neither could get a handle on their feelings. One leader mentioned how they felt their tears surfaced whilst receiving this feedback and this was a fairly common occurrence - having to hold back emotions. The other coaching client noted they could become quite outspoken during board meetings when they believed themselves or their team were facing opposition. We had uncovered that both agency leaders could develop their leadership EI a little further - it wasn’t as robust as they had anticipated.

What Is Leadership Emotional Intelligence?

Leadership Emotional Intelligence (EI) is the ability of a leader to read their own emotions and the emotions of others, combined with the capacity to regulate emotions. Put simply it is about developing the skills to read personal and social signals and have a grasp of how to react in a way that is productive and beneficial. 

Leaders with High EI are more able or have the capacity to;

• inspire those around them 

• lead people so they can face new directions

• foster a sense of togetherness moving individuals from a sense of I to we

• stimulate collaboration even when it is challenging or there is disagreement

In a recent blog in Brainz Magazine, I explore leadership EI in more detail, check it out for yourself.

5-Step Framework to To Increase Leadership Emotional Intelligence

Being able to gauge and react to emotions is a highly valued skill for leaders today, with many discussions concluding it to be a fundamental ability for leaders to have. As a coach supporting people to develop and sharpen their emotional intelligence has allowed me to gather a few straightforward and proven techniques, which I’ve shared before and here to expand EI that can take your leadership skills to the next level, it starts with awareness. 

Here are 4 steps to increase your EI straight away:

Step 1 - Name the Emotion

It's time to broaden our emotional vocabulary. Although research suggests there are five basic emotions - happy, sad, angry, afraid, and surprised - there's a lot more to consider. For example, fear may manifest itself as anxiousness, panic, or worry. Or sadness may come across as guilt or embarrassment. Recent neurological studies demonstrate the effectiveness of describing our feelings in this way; not only does it reduce stress, it also gives us insight into our individual emotional processes, facilitating our personal growth.

The Plutnick Wheel of Emotions is a helpful tool when you don't know the exact label for what you're feeling. The five basic emotions are represented at the centre, surrounded by descriptors of the various nuances of those emotions. When working with clients, I've found that this tool allows us to connect the feeling to a larger narrative, such as insecurity or worthlessness. It broadens our perspective on the emotional experience.

Now you have some words let's use them to form a sentence. We can use this at a time when we have signals that our emotions are running freely or at a time when 

I feel ___ or I have felt ____

An example from a recent coaching client of using this step is: I feel apathetic at work, I am not motivated to take on this new leadership role and think I should be doing something else instead. 

Step 2 - Identify the Trigger

Contextualising and understanding the trigger to emotions is key data, from it, you are now able to see the pattern emerging from feelings to our actions or our thinking. In the case of a recent client, they were able to figure out how feelings of apathy emerged when they were presented with tasks and projects they were unfamiliar with. In using the following sentence we were able to glean they would feel overwhelmed and unsure of themselves and their ability to undertake work, resulting in feelings of apathy.

I was ____ (where / doing what?)

I remember noticing ____ 

Continuing with the recent coaching client of using this step is: ‘I was in a scheduling meeting and I remember thinking, more new stuff, more stuff I have to figure out how to do, before I can do it and I noticed my stress build and my thinking just got out of control.

Step 3 - Identify the Behaviour 

We’ve learnt the importance of EI and its relationship to our behaviours; feelings trigger actions and behaviour. The next step in developing EI skills is contextualised and understanding our behaviours, using the following sentence to explore it

When I feel ….. I … (actions/behaviours)

What I wish I had done was ___

My coaching client went on to say: ‘When I feel apathy, I stop trying with colleagues and friends, I do not show up well in Teams meetings, I basically hide out.

What I wish I had done, this is hard for me as I have never had a way to deal with anxiety, I just live with it. So in talking today, it is more of a wish I had ways of helping myself in these moments so I don’t hide out.

Step 4 - Challenge the Emotions

This is the time to evaluate the feelings and explore how true they are, how relevant they are and what you need to do in the future with them, as they will reappear.

Was my ________ (feeling) appropriate to the situation?

What am I learning about____ (experience)

How can I support myself when I notice ___?

My coaching client started to realise the impact of their emotions and how they were managing them which brought a whole new perspective to the client’s understanding of the situation: ‘Was my apathy appropriate, well now I can see how it links to my discomfort, or a new word for me, resistance to doing new stuff, I’m uncomfortable about putting more effort into learning, then no it’s not helping me.’

‘Surprised….realising my anxiety has been building up and it’s definitely linked to my injury. I didn’t realise the impact until now. Never saw the link between exercise and my anxiety before and how it affects how I work. I have stopped seeing friends and I’m staying at home a lot more, it’s like lockdown again….things really changed for me since then.’ 

‘I need ways to manage my anxiety. I don’t want to live like this all the time, at the moment I just accept it and when it gets really bad, I am just letting my thinking get out of control. I want to develop a tool kit of things I can do to stop this from happening again.’

Step 5 - Repeat

We benefit from seeing these steps as a way to record your feelings over a few weeks, or even months. Building EI is like any skill at first it is new and you are clunky at it, over time you get better and it becomes natural, even innate. Once you start recording for several days or weeks, you will begin to notice certain patterns and this is where the real data is. By recognizing these trends, you can work on improving your emotional health.

Benefits of 5 Steps to Build Emotional Intelligence

These steps are building the skill to objectively observe, and in doing so are becoming adept at gauging your own emotions and the emotions of those around them. You are then able to your leadership knowledge and skill to evaluate how to effectively navigate your own emotions and those of your teams, stakeholders, and other external parties in a way that is productive and beneficial, it just takes practice. 

If you’re interested in exploring your own leadership emotional intelligence, book a free coaching conversation and we can explore how you, your career and your team can benefit from a coaching conversation.

Further Reading

Check out my latest article in Brainz Magazine of how I have coached leaders to develop their emotional intelligence and the strategies I use.